Like A Prayer
by SineadORebellion
Summary: Rachel does end up losing her virginity, Quinn hates Jesse, and Finn and Puck sorta combine to get the two girls back together after their break up.  A/U-ish version of The Power Of Madonna.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N - So this was just one of my first thoughts/attempts outside of Knights In White Satin. Probably lots of people have done something akin to this but yet again my girlfriend has encouraged me to post so here it is. So, storyline -**

**This assumes that Quinn and Rachel have been together before Quinn sleeps with Puck. Certain parts of the timeline may have been affected - like Quinn finding out that the baby is a girl (because I just couldn't remember when that was). Anyway, the whole Finn-Quinn-Rachel dynamic doesn't apply here. Finn is simply friends with the two girls, particularly Quinn. I think more or less, everything else is self explanatory. **

**Hope you guys like it - by the way - Puck is not a bad guy in this he's just a mistake making teen. Jesse is the bad guy 'cos I hate him! Like the actor, HATE the character - it was the flippant way he treat our little Rachel and the egging her part. I'm just not getting over that so if you like Jesse I apologise...sort of!**

**Oh and NOTHING belongs to me. Spoilers - definitely The Power Of Madonna if not others before too.**

**XXX**

Rachel had perched on a choir room chair staring forlornly toward the notepad that Quinn was sketching in. Without even trying to hide it the preoccupied blonde ex cheerleader was drawing a rather sweet portrait of her with love hearts all over her name with an underlining arrow and 'love' written in block capitals.

Quinn was actually quite an accomplished artist when she wanted to be and Rachel missed receiving her little sketches throughout the day in school. She would find them pushed into her locker or haphazardly hidden in her bag or flattened between the pages of her own notebook in the binder she kept her song sheet music in.

Sometimes they would be sketches or sometimes they would have little notes. Quinn would write little four lined poems or steal a sentiment she felt from a song to write down. It was romantic and wonderful and Rachel missed it a lot.

For no longer did she receive those notes because Quinn Fabray was no longer her girlfriend.

It sucked.

''_Quinn, whatever it is we can work through it together.''_

_Rachel reasoned confidently with a wealth of concern and love in her voice that only made Quinn feel worse and made her cry harder. She turned her head away from the brunette as she tried to control herself but she just felt like dying right now. _

''_No we can't – I made…I made such a terrible mistake Rachel.''_

_Rachel faltered at Quinn's broken and cracked admission as more tears fell out of the taller girls eyes and she hung her head. She was pressed up against the wall of the deserted hallway and she clutched her large notepad to her chest protectively. She had been avoiding Rachel for the better part of a week after being a complete psycho for 2 weeks. She had run hot and cold with Rachel and it had hurt the brunette – but not as much as this would._

''_Y-you mean me?''_

_The blonde squeaked emotionally _

''_Us?''_

_The squeak was a little higher. Quinn raised her head immediately because despite how much pain she was in right now she couldn't stand to make Rachel think that._

''_No. No you're the best thing that ever happened in my life. I can't…I can't believe I ruined it.''_

_Her body shook and her face screwed up as she realised yet again the reality that she was stuck in. Everything had been going so well until that night. That one fateful night that she had messed up everything that was important to her. Rachel her life her future. All because she had been feeling insecure – all because she had been terrified by the prospect of being 'that' girl in school and kicked out by her religious alcoholic parents – and all because she had taken a page out of their book and __had gotten drunk - she was just plain terrified of becoming them and she hadn't seen the actual part of her turning into them._

''_How did you ruin it, Quinn? We're okay.''_

_Rachel tried to sooth. She was about to reach out when Quinn looked at her with the most sorrowful look she had ever seen and something told her to brace for impact._

''_I'm pregnant.'' _

_Rachel felt like the air had just vanished inside of her chest. She swore to all that was holy that her heart simply stopped beating and her body flushed cold. How could two little words cause your entire world to stop? How could two little words wreck destruction over your entire life? It was difficult to comprehend. So many thoughts rushed through her mind that it actually came to a standstill._

_Not that she was the ultimate authority on anatomy or anything – but she was pretty damn sure that she was unable to get Quinn pregnant. She lacked the certain necessary equipment that the Rachel Berry on the inside of the bathroom stalls did (complimentary of Santana). So unless Quinn had somehow managed to screw one of _those_ Rachel's the real one was pretty sure that the only option left was that Quinn had cheated on her. With a boy. Quinn had had sex with a boy._

_Mind reeling Rachel took tentative steps back away from Quinn as her brows furrowed and her eyes dropped to the floor. She saw Quinn move as if to reach out to her but she held out her hands in gesture not to be touched as she slowly shakily let out a long breath. Her hands shoot – her entire body was shaking in fact. _

_She felt like she just got stabbed through the heart._

''_W-who…who was it?''_

_She whispered gravelly still not looking up. Quinn bit her bottom lip in anguish as she studied Rachel's reaction. She swallowed hard – because she at least had to give Rachel the answers to anything she wanted to know._

''_Puck.''_

_Rachel let out another shaky breath as she nodded taking a couple more steps back. Slowly she looked back up at Quinn with a lost look in her pained brown eyes like she just couldn't understand what she had just been hit with. Like despite always feeling and thinking that she was somehow undeserving on Quinn as a girlfriend she had never even come close to assuming that this would happen. She was trusting – so she had trusted Quinn with her whole heart. _

_Now she just looked more crushed than Quinn had ever seen her in her life. Silently Rachel turned around and began to walk away down the silent hall. _

Which left them in this current predicament. Completely not over one another but more or less pretending that they were.

''Can I ask you guys something…private?''

Rachel broke the silence that hovered over the girls of the Glee club and they hardly glanced at her as she moved down to grab and sit on the stool in front of them perhaps a little too near Quinn that was really healthy.

''Yes, you should move to Israel.''

Santana quipped earning a smirk from Brittney and a glare from Quinn. Rachel may not have been her girlfriend anymore but that didn't mean that she liked Santana's glib remarks about her – or anyone else's for that matter.

''It's about dating.''

Rachel noticed that Quinn broke away from glaring at Santana to look at her quickly. Rachel pressed on in rushed urgency.

''Not that I'm dating anyone – we all know Quinn and I are no longer an item and for the sake of the team I broke up with Jesse. But let's just say I was dating someone. Let's just say hypothetically we went to a Wiggles concert last Friday night and because my Dad's weren't home we went to my room and started making out. It was _erotic_ and romantic – and then he said…''

Quinn thought her head was going to explode. Was this payback? Was this Rachel's way of publically humiliating her and punishing her? Quinn had tried to apologise so many times but Rachel would just never listen – despite the fact she was in her right not to and Quinn didn't blame her it still hurt. They didn't really talk and most of the time if they were in the same room together it was just plain uncomfortable.

Rachel had started seeing that arrogant jackass Jesse St. James from Vocal Adrenaline and it was driving Quinn freaking nuts. Mostly because he was a tool and her baby hormones made her want to put her fist through his head – or, well – that was probably just all her. But anyway he wasn't good enough for Rachel he was just using her. He was feeding her everything she wanted to hear to get into her pants and Quinn hated that Rachel was falling for it.

Quinn hated that the _only _reason Rachel was falling for it was because _she _had hurt her so very badly.

Rachel went on and one about how Jesse was pressuring her into having sex. The blonde was disgusted at the very idea – she had her fists balled up at the very idea of him rolling around making out with the brunette on the same bed that she used to kiss Rachel on.

She didn't want his sticky paws anywhere near Rachel or her lovely lady parts – she didn't want Rachel agreeing to something that she wasn't ready for either. He just wanted to fuck her that was it. He didn't love her he was trying to toy with her and Quinn knew that if Rachel had sex with him then he would use it to break her. All over some stupid show choir competition.

Plus she knew that she had no right to be so hypocritical and selfish but Rachel was supposed to be with her for her first time. Quinn knew how destroying it was to give it up to someone like Jesse who didn't care and was just doing it for fun.

They had almost been at that point together. They had been getting closer intimacy wise and innocent kisses had turned into purposeful heavy petting.

_Rachel smirked into Quinn's mouth as the cheerleader rolled them around so their positions were reversed and instead she covered Rachel with her body as the brunette stretched out on her back. Neither one of them really knew how long they had been making out for but neither one of them cared. Rachel's Dad's were at a late dinner with another couple they were friends with so the girls were free to roll around as much as they wanted._

_Quinn's hand trailed along Rachel's side unintentionally hiking up her shirt as she did so. When her fingers met heated soft skin the blonde couldn't help but groan a little in Rachel's mouth as she automatically sought out more skin. So far they had been cautious. There had been a little skin on skin contact – mainly legs because given Rachel's obsession with her skirts and the fact that Quinn was usually kitted out in her Cheerio's uniform it was sort of inevitable. _

_Though their hands hadn't ventured too high under the hems of those skirts yet nor had they trespassed up shirts and sweaters. A little midsection touching when clothes rose just a little but not like this where Quinn's hand was slipping up Rachel's shirt. Instinctively Quinn lifted her thigh up between Rachel's legs right at the exact time that her hand smoothed over the soft contour of a very supple breast. The double sensation caused a rather sensationally guttural noise to emit from Rachel before she pulled away from Quinn's mouth and gasped shakily. _

_The blonde turned her attention onto Rachel's neck where she knew she liked to be kissed and all of that was making Rachel dizzy. Not for the first time when she had been making out with Quinn did she feel a familiar damp between her legs. Damp that turned into wetness as Quinn's thigh pushed harder into her – Rachel knew that Quinn's muffled moan meant that she could feel the effects she was having on her for herself. _

_Suddenly Rachel realised what was happening and pressed gently on Quinn's shoulders to get her to pause and lean back._

''_Quinn…''_

_The girl panted to get the blonde's full attention. The taller of the too pulled herself back and lifted up her head to gaze at her girlfriend speculatively as she panted. There was concern written across her beautiful face but there was also lust and love and need whirling in there too. So much so that Rachel almost found herself throwing caution to the wind and continuing on the path they were on._

''_Are you okay, baby?''_

_Quinn asked softly, gently – no traces of anger that she had been made to stop. Rachel frowned for a moment in contemplation as her mouth opened but sound didn't come out. _

''_Rachel?''_

''_I…I just don't want to make you angry.''_

_Quinn smiled and shook her head._

''_You won't make me angry, Rach. What's wrong? Is this…did I hurt you? Oh god I didn't hurt you did I?''_

_The panic that flashed across Quinn's eyes was actually quite heartening as she loosened her thigh in automatic assumption that she had pushed into Rachel too hard. With all that Cheerio's practice and stuff she was a lot stronger than she sometimes realised. _

_Rachel stopped Quinn's panic as she cupped both sides of her face gently but firmly enough to gain her attention again and to stop her from shuffling._

''_No, no you didn't hurt me. I just…I'm not sure if I'm ready for this, Quinn. I mean yet, I want to I just…''_

_Quinn dropped her head to place the softest of kisses on Rachel's lips silencing her and soothing her all in one motion. _

''_You don't have to explain yourself to me, Rachel. If you're not ready, you're not ready. That's all you have to say, I understand.''_

''_You do?''_

_The brunette squeaked in surprise. She thought for sure Quinn would get annoyed because her prude of a girlfriend wasn't putting out. That's what she heard other boys (and Santana) complain about regularly when they thought she wasn't listening. But now she thought about it Quinn had never pushed her into anything._

_She had never been forceful about the issue and they had always gone at a pace that had been comfortable for Rachel. In fact it had been Rachel that had led Quinn's hand up over her breast for the first time (over the clothes, of course). _

''_Of course I do. I want to do this right; I want it to be special. You deserve to be treated with respect and love. And I respect and love you Rachel, I want this relationship to last so I want us both to be comfortable whenever we decide is the right time for us to have sex. If one of us isn't ready, then neither of us is.''_

Quinn was really quite different from her cheerleader persona. Everyone could catch glimpses of the sweetheart underneath the iron but sometimes she could go to a place that felt like the humanity just drained right out of her and the ice princess extraordinaire took Quinn's place.

Once upon a time it had been like that with Rachel. Quinn had never done anything to her per say but she had known or sanctioned certain things. But as it turned out she had been trying to stop the slushy facials for a long time before she admitted to Rachel how she felt about her when she had willingly joined Glee club as the brunette had been desperately seeking people to keep it afloat.

That's more or less when their romance had started. And her sleeping with Puck had been exactly where it ended.

''What if then he got really crabby and left and didn't even take home the Care Bear I won him playing skee ball?''

Rachel used to win prizes for Quinn playing skee ball. Prizes that she still kept in her room. Rachel was really good at skee ball.

''Would you please stop talking, you're grossing out my baby.''

Classic defensive Quinn. Covering her pain with an off putting and hurtful remark. She was hurting that Rachel would be so cruel as to do this with her there in front of all the other girls, so she made the offensive by being hurtful too.

''I just wanna be ready. I know I'm getting older and these things will happen someday but how do I stop a guy from getting mad at me for saying no?''

Rachel ignored Quinn's venom as best she could. It hurt to be reminded of her infidelity that was now everyday proof living in her stomach. Not that Rachel blamed the baby of course. The baby was the innocent one in all of this. Actually Quinn looked positively radiant no matter how glum she looked within her predicament and Rachel felt bad for not being there for her or supporting her. How messed up was that?

She had to move on right? That's what she was trying to do with Jesse. But he hadn't been as chivalrous as Quinn had been. He had thrown a hissy fit and made her feel bad about not accepting his advances. He hadn't smiled and kissed her softly and told her it was okay and that it was a big deal like Quinn had. He hadn't stuck around to kiss and cuddle some more before talking and giggling for hours like Quinn had.

Then again no one else was Quinn.

Rachel's questions opened up a can of worms for the girls, apparently. Suddenly they were all chipping in about how hard they had it with either their respective others their attempted respective others or in Santana and Brittney's case – their total lack of standards for themselves. All of this turned into the theme that girls still had it worse than guys and they tended to get treated like crap because of it.

''…that attitude starts in high school.''

Quinn walked off leaving an unsuspecting Mr. Shue open mouthed. It was true though; Quinn had done some studying on the fact for one of her social sciences classes. Coming from the home that she did had actually caused her to look into these things. Her parents – her Father – were oppressive and domineering and her Mother fawned all over him. It made Quinn sick.

The truth was that she watched her Father pretty much emotionally abuse her Mom every single day verbally beating her down into submission. He had done the same to her sister and Frannie was the weird Stepford Wives monstrosity that her Mother was. Quinn desperately didn't want to turn out like that. She wanted to believe that she was different. For a while she thought she had been but then she had gone and cheated on Rachel for no good reason – not that there was ever a good reason.

Dating Rachel had probably been the most dangerous yet the most freeing experience of her life. If her parents found out that she was into other girls she was pretty sure she would get shot. Or packed off to those weird religious boot camps that beat the deviancy out of you until you were too traumatised to be anything else but straight, lied, or died.

All in all it just sucked.

X*x*x*X

Although there seemed to be as of yet no hope for the boys in this club (including Puck who Quinn could seriously not believe had managed to impregnate her given that he was so stupid) Mr. Shuester seemed to be enlightened by the girls' problems and feelings as well as her remark.

Choosing to give an assignment based on equality and the power of a woman that had tried to change the world for women through music – it was genius. Granted Madonna had had her own fair share of problems and freak-outs like many major celebrities but her music had still been centred on the positive change that she wanted to set free into the world.

Quinn loved it. And as Rachel seemed to also embrace the idea and started singing for the girls as she basically invited them to the floor with her it kind of felt like old times again. For the little while Quinn forgot her troubles and just let them go and let the song take over her. Quinn also noticed that the song seemed to be a smack in the face at Puck too.

Being so close to Rachel – with her dressed in _that_ outfit – was torture and bliss all at the same time. After their number the other girls chirped happily as Mr. Shuester and Kurt gushed over the performance. Quinn's breath hitched as she dared to sidle up close to her ex girlfriend. God she smelt good.

''Rachel?''

Rachel turned her head to her looking moderately alarmed that she had gotten so close without her realising it.

''Yes, Quinn?''

The tone was curt and sharp. Quinn flinched but cleared her throat nervously. She dropped her eyes for a second but when she looked up to Rachel again her eyes were full of sincerity.

''You look beautiful, Rachel.''

The blonde managed to whisper before she slunk away, too scared to remain so close. Rachel watched after her before turning away again and staring at the floor of the auditorium. Her heart banged against her chest fiercely and every instinct in her told her to go after Quinn and somehow make things right between them.

But how could she? How could she knowing that Quinn had been with someone else like that? That she had run off and rolled over for – of all people – Puck and now was pregnant with his child? It was just too hard.

Wasn't it?


	2. Chapter 2

''Look, are you still dating that Jesse kid?''

Finn asked bluntly across the piano after Rachel handed him the music for the mash up she had put together. She seemed thrown by the question and briefly looked elsewhere as she shook her head.

''N-no. W-who told you that?''

She had Finn weren't the greatest of friends but they were friends. He was actually a pretty sweet guy when he wasn't being oblivious and though he was a little stupid he could usually scope people out pretty well. He had been one of the first jocks to join Glee and he was her male counterpart and as that and being co-captains they had to do a lot together.

So Rachel had confided in him a lot. Finn was almost like her best friend. She wasn't sure if that would be their technical definition but that's what he acted like because he pulled her on all her crap (sometimes even when he didn't need to). He had known her the littlest amount of time and besides Quinn he had been one of the first people here to take an interest in who she was.

He had been the first to find out that she and Quinn were dating and he had been very supportive of the whole thing. At least he hadn't made lured remarks like Puck causing Quinn so smack him in the head. So naturally Rachel had turned to Finn when things had gone sour with Quinn. The boy seemed upset with the blonde at first but now they talked so Rachel assumed that they had made their peace.

Rachel knew without having to be told that Quinn hated Jesse. It surprised her that Finn seemed to share her exact feelings. He had warned her off of him and given her an ultimatum about Glee club which was now why it was supposed to be a freaking secret.

''Look I know things have been weird between us, but I never thought you'd lie to me.''

Finn stated. Ever since the whole ultimatum thing Rachel had been somewhat shy around him and unsure of whether they were still friends or whatever. Plus she was still a tiny bit mad at him for speaking to Quinn again like she had done nothing wrong.

''Look, please just don't tell anyone…''

''Unbelievable. You don't belong with him.''

Rachel sighed.

''And you think I belong with her? What am I supposed to do, ignore the baby that's growing inside of her that _I _had no part of? Ignore the fact that she gave her virginity to Noah Puckerman instead of me?''

Finn lifted his eyebrows defiantly.

''People make mistakes.''

''Yes, well – this one is a little too big to be corrected, isn't it? I know you want the best for me, and for Quinn, and you just want us to be together but we can't. You and I can still be friends. I'm asking you, as my friend, to trust me.''

She looked at him imploringly and she was using that damn friend card. Finn understood that she felt betrayed and hurt – who wouldn't? If it were him he would have exploded and punched Puck's face into mush. But when he stood back and saw the pain that Quinn was in too when he weighed up the reasons why it seemed to have happened he just felt badly for the blonde. And people did make mistakes including Rachel.

Somehow she managed to forgive people and she had been forgiven by them. So why couldn't she forgive her ex and listen to what had really happened instead of thinking she knew what had happened. Because really Rachel didn't have a clue and Quinn was too proud/stubborn/damn chivalrous to tell her properly. Honestly he thought that the blonde was sometimes more of a gentleman than any of the boys combined including him.

If there was one thing that they had agreed strongly on to make them see eye to eye again though it was their suspicion and their hatred for Jesse St. James – the venomous snake in the grass.

''Fine. But if this leads to something bad for all of us don't expect anymore friendship from me.''

He declared. He had warned her and warned her about this guy and he felt like he had nothing left to make her see that she was walking willingly into a trap.

''Noted.''

All throughout the rehearsal Finn got the distinct impression that Rachel was channelling her feelings for Quinn through the words.

X*x*x*X

''Hey.''

Rachel looked up and faltered for a moment as Finn approached her – with Quinn by his side.

''Hi.''

''So, how did your date with Jesse go Friday night?''

_Awful. Terrible. The worst moment of my life? _The list went on in Rachel's head. Finn had this challenging look across his face like he was daring her to say this in front of her ex girlfriend. Clearly Quinn was apprised on the very situation that Finn had promised to remain quiet about. Wonderful.

For a moment the truth felt like surfacing like word vomit from her mouth as her steely resolve softened by the beautiful face of her girlfriend. Piercing hazel eyes were just a bit duller than they had once been, and now they looked a mixture of hopeful pained angry and desperate. Rachel's instincts just told her to drop all of this stupid pretence grow up and talk to Quinn like the mature young women she claimed to be to see if they could resolve something.

However her firm bullheadedness stayed firmly intact.

''Well it went – wonderfully. Honestly it wasn't that big of a deal. I…I mean, you know…it – it was _great_, but when it was over I just um…didn't know why I was so nervous in the first place.''

Lies. All lies. The fake nonchalance in her voice threatened to punk out on her with every word she spoke. None of that was true.

''_Just come out so we can talk. Or sing about it.''_

_Jesse's flippant tone was infuriating and telling at the same time. He was technically being nice about this but Rachel could tell that he was fed up and thought she was childish and somehow without uttering a word about it was still pressuring her to sleep with him. _

_Upon stepping out into her bedroom to see him stretched out across her bed (holding a stuffed toy that Quinn had bought her no less) Rachel just knew that she could go through with it. On the verge of hyperventilating at the very idea of sex with him she had bolted straight back into her bathroom and slammed and locked the door behind her so she could hide. She wondered if she prayed hard enough he would magically disappear from her room._

_The truth was that she didn't want this. The truth was that she didn't want him. His lips were hard and forceful his hands were rough his hair was actually full of gel and he smelt like a boy. She didn't feel like she fit into his body like she felt she had fit with Quinn's. When he even hugged her he was all hunched and tense and it was all awkward angles and it was uncomfortable for her. When Quinn had hugged her Rachel had just been able to mould into her. _

_Quinn was all soft and smooth with a quiet strength running beneath her skin. Her lips were soft and tasted like various fruit based lip balms. Her hair was silky and always smelt tropical and she always smelt of fabric softener perfume and something naturally her. _

_Rachel felt like an idiot for even attempting to go through with this. It was one thing trying to move on because she was too scared to get hurt again and too prideful to be made a fool of by going back to a cheater but this was a whole other ballgame. Plus she still felt like she was the one doing the betraying by even dating Jesse – how could she possibly allow herself to make such a big step when that feeling was still there?_

''_Look Jesse I really like you but – I can't do it. It wouldn't be right for…the team.''_

_Rachel finally stepped out of her hiding place and used the first excuse she could think off to play down the fact that she just couldn't do it because she didn't love him and she totally loved Quinn._

''_What does the team have to do with this?''_

_Sitting on the chest at the bottom of her bed Rachel sighed and clammed up a little when he sat next to her. The way she generally clammed up when he was near her._

''_If I give myself to you knowing that my teammates wouldn't approve it would be like I was sleeping with the enemy. I'd be betraying them. And because I'm truly not ready to do this I'd be betraying myself.''_

_That part was true. She would be betraying herself if she did this. It would be wrong and spiteful and it was hurt everyone involved. Jesse looked at her for a moment and Rachel thought he was going to say something nice and be the gentleman he was always saying he was._

_She was wrong._

''_You're a liar. What's more you've been stringing me along – telling me how much you like me and getting my hopes up like this just to blue ball me. I know it's about that pregnant girl in your team – maybe I should've gone out with her clearly she's okay with putting out.''_

''_W-ha…how do you…?''_

_Rachel stuttered as her face contorted in both shock and anguish. How could he say something so cruel? She knew that he was being a little selfish but this was just plain mean. How did he even know about Quinn she hadn't told him anything about her previous relationship. She simply told him that she had been hurt._

''_I just heard about it, Rachel. Do you know how bad it makes me feel that you're using me to get over her?''_

'_I'm not…''_

''_Yes you are. Look I don't mean to say these things but it hurts to know that you're more devoted to her than me. I would never do something so horrible like cheating on you. Please give me a chance.''_

_Rachel knew she should know better but she fell for the words because it was her weak spot. Being cheated on was seriously not a good feeling and having someone promise something like that made her needy and stupid. She wanted to prove to the world that she was over Quinn freaking Fabray and wasn't dumb enough to trust her twice._

_So she decided that no matter how much she didn't really want Jesse, she would give him a chance._

''I'm happy for you.''

Finn practically spat the words out in anger and frustration at Rachel's attitude. Quinn stood silently next to him and glared at the piano so hard it was practically burning a whole into it. Her hands gripped the edges as she forced her face to try and remain composed while inside she felt sick to her stomach.

''And uh, what about you? I heard you had a date with Santana on Friday night.''

Rachel ploughed on. Quinn looked up at Finn in surprise.

''You and Santana, really?''

She asked in surprise as she thankfully but only momentarily forgot her own anguish. Even though she and Santana were friends – maybe a little at odds right now – she was shocked because the only way that Santana went with Finn was to further some scheme she was concocting. She actually did love the girl despite how much of a bitch she could and had been but the Latina was seriously not interested in Finn. She may be denying it or lying to herself or whatever, but she was head over heels in love with Brittney - more than just their 'casual' sex buddy arrangement.

''Yeah, I couldn't go through with it.''

Finn declared uncomfortably. He was not a good liar.

''Why?''

Both girls asked at the same time – sharing an awkward glance toward one another that lasted a second or so.

''I guess I was waiting for the right person.''

Quinn didn't believe him even if Rachel did. It's not like it was her place to call him on it because technically it wasn't her business unless he really wanted to discuss it with her. However Rachel did flinch at the comment about being with the right person. As did she.

She hadn't been. In fact Quinn could actually barely remember how it had happened – somehow she had just blinked and that was it. Somehow in the matter of what felt like seconds her whole world had turned upside down. Carrying this baby was a constant reminder of what she had done and how badly she had screwed up. Normally when something huge happened to her or she had feelings she couldn't resolve she would turn to Rachel. She'd be able to talk stuff out with Rachel.

Not this. She couldn't tell her how scared she was or how hurt she was or how any of this happened. She couldn't tell her what it felt like to know a life was growing inside of you. She couldn't tell her that she could feel her baby – like really feel it. She wanted to. She wanted to do that and so much more but she couldn't.

Quinn had fucked up and no matter how it had happened she had to take that responsibility. She had to let Rachel be happy – and if she really wanted to be with that goddamn idiot from Vocal Adrenaline then that was her choice. The blonde had lost all right to voice her opinion or stand in her way. If he could make Rachel happy then she had to let him.

X*x*x*X

''What the hell? It seems like now everybody's doing things _just _to hurt my feelings.''

Quinn yelled angrily as she threw a death glare toward Mr. Shuester and Jesse. It was one thing knowing she had to concede to the douchbag but having him _here _in _her _Glee club where he could be all over Rachel and she could only watch? It wasn't fair.

Somehow she had ended up sat next to Rachel and when she turned to glare at her too she realised that Rachel looked just as shocked and confused as everyone else. No one seemed happy about this and Finn looked angry at having a male lead encroach on his territory as well as getting defensive probably on behalf of her. Who knew that Finn Hudson would end up being her greatest supporter? He was angry with her at first but once she had told him what happened with Puck he had just been understanding. She had begged him not to tell Rachel anything but she knew that he was coming close.

''I thought you'd all take this news a little better. I'm a star. You can learn from me.''

Everyone snickered at Jesse's blatant arrogance except for Rachel who continued to look overwhelmed and startled. She actually looked somewhat dismayed.

''We were already fighting for second leads and now that you've shown up I have lost all hope at ever getting a solo.''

''Yeah that's right. And ya'll just trot me out at the end of every number to wail on the last note. How is _that _okay?''

''He's a spy, Mr. Shue, I would know. He's totally trying to take down the dwarf and Juno at the same time.''

Kurt Mercedes and Santana all voice their objections and surprisingly enough it was Santana that made it less about herself and more about the fact that she was positive he was a spy for that other club and that he was trying to take out their female (and reluctantly admittedly their strongest) lead – as well as going for the jugular with one of their own. Her friend. No matter what crap went on between them that was not okay with her.

Mr. Shuester droned on and on about how this was all legit and that he had seen paperwork and spoken to Jesse's parents. No one actually cared. They did not want Jesse in their ranks – both because they didn't like or trust him and because they didn't want to see Quinn murder him and go to jail – which was a serious possibility because throughout Mr. Shuester speech the two glared at one another viciously.

It was like he was rubbing his relationship with Rachel in her face. Did he not know that she was kick ass enough _before _pregnancy but her hormones actually turned her evil and wrathful?

''I don't understand why you're doing this.''

Rachel voiced up eventually.

''Because when you love something you gotta go for it. You would never be with my completely if I were on the opposing team, and I care about you more than winning another national title. So I left Vocal Adrenaline. For you.''

Quinn rolled her eyes and practically gagged at the crappy spiel but as she glanced at Rachel and saw her smirking softly she lost it. This was too much. This was far too much.

Standing up the pregnant teenager locked her jaw and drew every ounce of feeling out of her eyes other than that classic cold bitchy look that everyone was scared off.

''You know what, why don't you just back the hell off? We all know what you're trying to do even if Mr. Shuester doesn't. She's off limits.''

Even pregnant Quinn wasn't afraid of getting into Jesse's face. He was taller and all that but she didn't care because her protective side just kicked in and she felt the need to try and defend Rachel even if the girl was being too stupid to see what was really going on. Jesse just looked down at her with his eyes twinkling knowingly – he was goading her.

''To you maybe, not to me. She's with me now and there's nothing you can do about it. Rachel wants me here. Don't you Rachel?''

The brunette was put on the spot as both Jesse and Quinn looked at her – she could also feel the entire eyes of the Glee club focused on her and she shifted uncomfortably in her seat as her brows furrowed and her jaw dropped. She had no idea what to do.

''Fine. You know what Rach, I'm sorry about what I did – I'll never forgive myself for hurting you. But this? This is wrong. And if you won't listen to the truth then it's on you. I love you, he doesn't. And I quit. I'm not sticking around to watch this.''

She couldn't conceal the wave of emotion that came pouring out then but that was okay because she was trying to be honest and she didn't even care that she was crying in front of Jesse. She didn't care that the rest of their friends were watching because she knew that none of them wanted this to happen either and that somehow they were on her side. The only one that couldn't see what was really going on was Rachel.

It was still her fault that the brunette was so hurt that she had lost herself a little bit but if she let this happen then she was crossing a line that she knew she shouldn't.

''Quinn…don't.''

Rachel shook her head as tears welled in her eyes. The blonde just shrugged and walked out of the choir room without another word.

''It's okay, we don't need her. Why are you so upset about it anyway – she knew what she was doing when she cheated on you, she can't get mad at you for moving on.''

Jesse declared happily as he took Quinn's spot next to Rachel. He ignored the glares that were being shot his way. Puck couldn't ignore the glare that Finn shot him.

X*x*x*X

It hurt to see Rachel with Jesse but Quinn had decided to pull herself together. This was the consequence of her actions and she had to deal with it. Now that she was out of Glee club (which she felt guilty for leaving because of everyone else) she didn't have to watch them as much together as when she would glimpse them around the halls. No one was mean to her about it really.

She thought the Cheerio's performance was amazing. The massive number was sensational and she had to hand it to Kurt and Mercedes they totally rocked that Madonna tune. Brittney and Santana were in their element and it was just wild. She missed being on the squad but in moments like this Quinn could only let herself get lost in the production and enjoy it. She was happy for them – this is what they had wanted all along. She knew it was hard for them – and most of the club – to come behind Rachel and Finn for vocals.

''Quinn, can I talk to you for a minute?''

Quinn turned her attention to Finn as he approached her after the Cheerio's event and the game. She smiled softly and nodded.

''Sure.''

''Please come back to Glee.''

The blonde bit her lip and lowered her eyes for a second before she held a shrug and shook her head.

''I can't, Finn. I can't sit there and watch her with him. I know it's my fault, but I still can't handle it.''

Finn scowled like an angry puppy.

''It's not your fault though, why can't you just tell her that?''

''Because it was. No matter how you cut it. Just…be nice to her, for me? I don't trust Jesse but he might be good for Glee – I need someone I can trust to be there for her. She didn't do anything wrong, remember that. Be her friend, even if it means accepting him.''

Finn didn't want to. He hated Jesse and he didn't want to accept him. Hit him maybe but not accept him. He wanted his friends to be happy again and he wanted to win with the club that they had painstakingly put together. They had come so far together.

Quinn was right though technically Rachel hadn't done anything wrong and she was just trying to put her pain behind her. She was trusting and Jesse said and did all the right things. Who wouldn't swoon at having a 'star' leaving the best Glee club so far to be with you? Maybe they should accept him into their ranks – or maybe they should just appear to do so so that they could watch him like a hawk and stop the inevitable from happening.

''You ready babe?''

Both Quinn and Finn looked up as Puck exited the bathroom and she nodded softly. The boys shared a look that she didn't notice as they passed one another and the blonde squeezed Finn's hand on her way by as the two friends looked at one another for a moment. She had been living with the Puckerman family since her parents found out she was pregnant and kicked her out. It wasn't a great situation but it was pretty much the only one right now.

No one really knew what was going to happen but Finn was going to take his friends advice. He was going to be there for her and for Rachel. And somehow – somehow he was going to help make it right between them. He was sure that once Rachel found out the truth of what happened between Quinn and Puck that night she would take Quinn back.

Now he just had to convince Puck to do the right thing if Quinn refused to.

X*x*x*X

''Fine. But I am _not _singing this song.''

Puck declared adamantly. He wasn't going to apologise for being a guy – no way. He liked being a guy. Was it his fault? No! Why should he feel bad?

''You don't have to. We just have to make it right with the girls. Show them we get how it feels.''

Finn rather convincingly stated. There had been a lot going on recently that boiled down to how they were treating the girls in this club. And even though the main drama was between Rachel and Quinn they had still been treated badly by them. He had been an ass to Rachel about everything and Puck had been refusing to take any kind of responsibility for getting Quinn pregnant. He wasn't being honest and as a result he was hurting himself Quinn _and _Rachel. That's what Finn was trying to tell him.

Maybe he was right. Puck lived with Quinn now so he saw how crappy she felt at home. He saw how she was just going through the motions. The girl had lost so much in such a little amount of time. She had lost her virginity her status her girlfriend and her parents. A big part of that was his fault but he had been refusing to shoulder it because he was Noah Puckerman and he had a reputation to maintain right? He didn't do all this regretful emotional crap.

Only things had just gotten worse and worse and now Quinn had even lost her lifeline in the Glee club. If he actually cared about her then he guessed that he needed to show it somehow.


	3. Chapter 3

''Hey.''

''If you're gunna criticise and mock me again about Jesse, you can can it.''

Rachel snapped defensively before she slammed her locker shut in case Finn saw the items pertaining to Quinn in there including a couple of pictures that she had yet to take down. She really needed to clear them out if Jesse was going to be going here. Anyway she didn't need anyone else giving her a hard time right now especially Finn.

Having Quinn walk out of Glee was horrible. Rachel didn't' know why she couldn't snap out of this bad dream but she couldn't – she was so scared because she had loved the blonde so much. The more you loved someone the more you had to lose that's what Quinn had taught her. She missed her so much but everything was so out of control. She was even living with Puck now for crying out loud. For all she knew they were hooking up every damn night.

''I wanted to apologise. The only reason you were even open to dating Jesse was because you were hurting. I was an ass. I should have been a better friend and I blew it. I really like you and I just want you to be happy, and I don't get to decide what it is that makes you happy. Even if I do know what really happened with Quinn and Puck. So I'm sorry.''

Rachel frowned at his words wondering what he meant about knowing what really happened. It was nice to receive the apology for the way he had been hassling her and that he did understand that she was hurt and trying to move on. But what did that mean?

''What really happened?''

''Okay Finn, I know we have a big showdown coming so let's just decide on the arena. Sing off 5'o clock – be there. Bring the blonde if you want, I'll take her out at the same time.''

Rachel shook her head.

''No.''

Finn wanted to hit him but Quinn's words rang in his head and he was now trusting Puck to do the right thing too. So instead he offered Jesse his hand.

''Welcome to the New Direction's. Frankly I need you I'm tired of carrying the male vocals all by myself. I'll do my best to keep Quinn away from your girl.''

What a blatant lie. He'd lock them in a closet if he knew they wouldn't kill him afterward.

''I appreciate that. She's a keeper.''

Rachel flinched at Jesse's display of 'affection'.

''Walk with me to the auditorium I put together a new Madonna number I'll talk you through it on the way.''

''Sweet.''

Rachel was slightly thrown by the unusual display of acceptance that Finn displayed. And actually as he and Jesse strolled down the hall she was kind of upset that she wasn't being continually harassed. The only way that was happening was because Quinn told him to be nice – Rachel knew that much. Which meant that the blonde had given up. She'd stopped trying and was letting her go.

It may have conflicted with pretty much everything she was feeling but that really got to Rachel. It made her feel worse than being cheated on in some ways. So now she had a boyfriend she actually didn't want or like that much and an ex girlfriend she did want that had given up on her.

Life couldn't get more freaking wonderful.

''It's not true, you know?''

Rachel's head whipped around so fast she thought it might drop off. Staring at herself in the mirror she was trying to compose herself enough to go out and perform with her friends. Given that she was the last one to get ready Rachel was left alone in the bathroom. She had been dressed for 5 minutes but she had just been leaning forward on the sink and staring at herself.

She hadn't even heard Quinn step in through the door.

''What isn't true? And what are you doing here, you abandoned the New Direction's.''

The brunette scowled petulantly as she saw that Quinn was dressed for the number. The blonde leant against the bathroom door and she looked so pretty. Her eyes dipped down for a moment as her teeth worried her bottom lip lightly. That was one of her habits biting her bottom lip and Rachel had always thought it was adorable. It always made her want to kiss that poor little lip of hers.

God rock and a hard place didn't even cover it.

''Is that what you think I did? Is that what you think I wanted to do?''

Quinn whispered without looking up. Rachel bolstered herself and squared up her shoulders as she stood properly and faced the taller girl.

''You tell me.''

The ex cheerleader looked up quickly.

''I left because I can't stand to see him all over you! Please Rachel, can't you see what he's doing? He'll hurt you.''

''Like you hurt me?''

The brunette snapped coldly. Quinn flinched and looked to the side as she lifted her shaky hand to wipe away her tears. Eventually she nodded and looked at the brunette again.

''Yes. He will, Rachel. I know you think that I've stopped loving you but I haven't. I'm trying to let you be happy but this is my last ditch effort to stop what _will_ happen. This is the last time I'll be singing with you guys. I know you hate me, I know I can never make it right, and I know I don't have the right to interfere with your life but please stop this. He doesn't love you.''

Quinn wondered when she got so good at making speeches. It felt like she was dying here and there was nothing she could do about it. She was literally begging Rachel to save herself from getting hurt because she had been hurt enough already. This was all her fault. Her hand covered her face as she actually sobbed and before she knew it there was a soft hand touching her face and instinctively she leant into that touch.

It was bittersweet because she knew Rachel wasn't hers but she longed for a touch like that again. Rachel was so gentle and so free and loving with her actions. She loved contact and although it had been difficult for Quinn to adjust at first she had enjoyed learning how to be like that. Her family situation didn't give any space for affection and stuff like that so she had just been unused to it. Then Rachel Berry had come along and treated her like her personal teddy bear and she had loved every second of it. She had loved every second of having the brunette in her arms or touching her in some big or small way. Now there was nothing.

''I don't hate you – sometimes I wish I did because it would make this so much easier. The truth is that I do still love you – so much, Quinn. I miss you every second of every day.''

Before Quinn could stop herself she was lurching forward and smothering Rachel's mouth with her own. Her hands cupped her face and her head and for a moment Rachel was too shocked to do anything but freeze. But after a moment passed she became very much animated and they were making out in the bathroom with so much need and intensity that it made both of their heads spin.

Somehow Rachel ended up being pinned against the wall as Quinn tracked her backward and her hands were in the blonde's hair holding her closer. She was pretty sure her lungs were burning because of the serious lack of oxygen she was managing to consume but she didn't care at the minute. All she cared about was the feel of Quinn's mouth on her own and the urgency of the kiss the feelings that Quinn was trying to show her through it.

Their tongues duelled for dominance and control and it was almost like a fight. It was different to any other kiss they had shared before – even their most lust filled ones. Now it was simply a raw and dire need – not just a physical need but an emotional one – it was like life depended on it.

What made Rachel realise what was happening was the bump that was wedged between them. That realisation made her blood run cold and she managed to pull herself away and push Quinn back a couple of steps.

''Don't…''

''Rachel.''

Rachel wiped her mouth as she backed away from the panting blonde carefully.

''No, no you don't get to do this. I've been so stupid feeling like I'm not being true to you but what I need to remember is that you had no such qualms, did you? Whether or not Jesse hurts me has got nothing to do with you. You broke what we had not me, stop trying to make me feel bad about trying to move on. My feelings for you don't change what happened, do they? Nothing changes the fact that you slept with him, and now you're having his child and you go home with him everyday, does it?''

Didn't it?

When she belted out the opening lines of that Madonna song (a song she thought Finn was trying to drive his point home with) Rachel wondered if anything she said actually mattered. Did anything matter other than the fact that she loved Quinn? Did the pain of being betrayed even come close to the pain of constantly being apart from her? Could she be with her knowing that there was a chance that she could stray again?

Rachel wondered if this was just what love was – all consuming and just a little destructive. After all to be in love you had to give yourself over entirely and you had to take everything that came with it. Maybe it was supposed to be like this. Maybe it was supposed to burn. Maybe it was easier to burn than to live in a relationship she didn't want.

Quinn may have been the death of her but maybe that was okay. Quinn was home – she made her feel alive she made her breathe she made her feel. She couldn't leave that behind she couldn't live without it. It was real. It was broken but it was real.

''Yo, Berry, I need to talk to you.''

Rachel snickered at Puck as he followed her into the side of the auditorium. The choir and the rest of Glee were still laughing and talking loudly after their Madonna number. Quinn was out there smiling at a lady that was all but caressing her baby bump. Rachel was out of breath – not from the song but from realising that she was about to let herself fall into something she wasn't entirely prepared for.

''Well I don't need to talk to you. Leave me alone.''

She snapped angrily as she grabbed a water bottle. Just because she was thinking about going back to Quinn didn't mean that she had to entertain Noah Puckerman. Her lips were still buzzing after being on Quinn's and her heart was still banging against her chest. Her whole body was actually humming and no one else was ever going to make her feel the way that Quinn did. No one else was ever going to have that much power over her or feel like home.

She was trying to fight it but she knew she was loosing.

''Please, it's important.''

Rachel sighed as she turned to face him but still glared heatedly.

''Fine. What?''

''Look, I don't do this talking stuff well, so just bear with me okay? Mr. Shue's been banging on about how us dudes don't treat you right. As much as it pains me to say it, he's right.''

Rachel shrugged with a huff.

''So what? Why are you coming to me, shouldn't you be apologising to Quinn about how you've treated her?''

_Like being an asshole and constantly letting her down when she needed help? _Rachel knew she was probably guilty of that too but she hadn't gotten Quinn pregnant he had. She hadn't stepped out on their relationship she had.

''Maybe. But so should you.''

He accused like he read her thoughts.

''Excuse me?''

''I want to make this right with you, and her. So I need you to listen to what really happened between her and me.''

Rachel scoffed and shook her head moving to walk past him. He blocked her and she snarled as she pushed him as hard as she could.

''You think I want to hear that? It's bad enough that I know she slept with you, that she just…didn't think at all about me when she was with you.''

She yelled at him furiously. There had been no real yelling when all of this had happened. She had been far too shocked and devastated to even raise her voice. She – Rachel Berry the queen of all things dramatic – hadn't even been able to muster the will to scorn or cause a scene. She had just walked away from Quinn. She had sat quietly in class and in Glee and remained passive and quiet.

She had been a shell of herself. But all that fury had been building up in her gut and now seemed like a perfect time to let it out at him.

''You think that's what happened? You think she's that cruel? She freaking loves you.''

''_Then why did she sleep with you?_''

How that hadn't gotten everybody's attention neither she nor Puck knew because that must have been the loudest she had ever been.

''She was drunk!''

Rachel stalled at the shouted reply. Puck was frustrated and just as irate as she was and he flailed at her like she should have known that. It surprised her, a lot.

''W-what? Quinn doesn't drink.''

The confused girl shook her head lightly as she frowned in bewilderment. Did Quinn just decide to get wasted and do what she did or had it been a huge mistake? The blonde didn't drink. Aside from the odd sip of something at a party that she would screw her nose up at and toss aside and the occasional half glass of wine that they were both treated to at dinner with her Dad's the blonde just stayed away from it.

Growing up with two drunks as parents had made her weary of alcohol. She was afraid that if she drank it she would end up like them too. It was one of the biggest problems in her life and she was constantly seeing what destruction it wrecked in her family. The fights and the slurred words and them falling over things or puking where they shouldn't. It wasn't a child's job to clean up after their parents like that but she had.

So she just didn't tend to go near any kind of alcohol. It seemed so random that she would actually get drunk. It wasn't that Quinn was against it or anything, it's not like she didn't like the taste of the little that she had had – except for a vodka concoction that Santana had given her once which apparently had been the vilest thing she had ever tasted. She was just so very careful.

''No, 'cos she sees her parents drink themselves into a stupor every night, right? I didn't know that then. I didn't know that she'd never really drank before.''

Puck stressed as he ran a hand over his Mohawk. Something in his voice was desperate and emotional and just plain remorseful.

''You weren't home and we've been friends for a long time so she came to hang out. She was upset, Rachel. Her Dad had been on her case about being fucking perfect and shit, telling her she wasn't good enough for smart enough or pretty enough.

He made her feel like she was nothing. And then she came to me for help and I got her drunk. I told her everything she wanted to hear about herself, like you did. I was an asshole, Rachel. By the time that I was undressing her she was barely conscious.''

It was true. To be honest he had barely been listening to her as she cried on his shoulder and he was trying to see if there was an angle to look down her Cheerio's uniform. He had pulled out his handy box of wine coolers he kept hidden for when girls came over and at first she had refused and shrugged off the offer of a drink. But then he had started sipping one and said it was no big deal. So she had tried a little.

They didn't taste too alcoholic which was why they went down so easy. She probably even forgot that she was drinking – he didn't. He had been a little buzzed too but because Quinn didn't drink she got drunk fast. Her words were all slurry and she had flopped back onto his bed as she mumbled about feeling weird and that she felt hot.

Well he had taken that the wrong way. He had taken that she was feeling hot to mean that she wanted him, not that she was all out of it and stuff. So he had started taking her clothes off. When she had floppily complied he thought she wanted to do it with him not that she just didn't really get what he was doing. She probably just thought it felt a little cooler having her sweater off is all.

''Oh my god…''

Rachel felt like someone had punched her in the stomach. She could see the guilt and the remorse in Noah's teary eyes and knew that he hadn't meant things to happen like this hadn't really known that Quinn wasn't used to drinking – but it didn't stop the bile from churning in the pit of her stomach.

''She didn't say no, but she didn't say yes either. She was too drunk. I thought she wanted to do it, I swear, or I would never…I would never have you know that. After – god – she cried for like an hour. Just curled up right there and sobbed before she went home. I didn't mean to…I mean, I just wasn't thinking and I was buzzed too and…''

He didn't expect the hard slap that actually turned his head to the side. His cheek stung but he didn't move to step away from Rachel or try to relieve the pain in his face. He knew he deserved it.

''Stop talking. You just – you may not have meant to do anything wrong, you may not have known how it affected her…but you were still trying to take advantage of the situation. How could you do that? How could you do that to her, and to me? You didn't even stop to think about either of us, did you?''

Rachel's voice had contorted into a low and venomous tone that he had never heard from her before. Her eyes had darkened and he was actually scared of how dangerous she looked.

He hadn't wanted any of this. But it was true he knew that Quinn was with Rachel when it happened and he should never have started coming onto her in the first place. Even if he never meant it to happen that way he was still being an ass by not caring about their relationship. He knew that if Quinn slept with him she would feel bad and it would either cause problems or end her relationship with Rachel, and he hadn't cared.

He had thought it was a joke if he was honest. Like some teenage trendy crush that they had for each other and what they really needed was a guy. He had wanted Quinn for a long time – who wouldn't she was so hot and tempting. But he hadn't known just how much she cared for Rachel until she had fallen apart afterward. She had been crying because of Rachel and how badly she had hurt her.

''No. I'm so sorry; it was only after than I understood how much she loved you. It was only after I realised what had been going on at home and that she would react so badly to the alcohol. I misread her signals, I thought she wanted to 'cos she didn't say no, but it was a mistake. She didn't mean to. It's not her fault, you need to forgive her. 'Cos if you have sex with that Jesse dude, you'd be the one at fault. She won't tell you she feels like she needs to take the blame, but I'm telling you now.''

Rachel swallowed the lump in her throat but it didn't alleviate the sting in it or anywhere else. She didn't even know how to handle this. All this pain and misery for one stupid drunken mistake? For one idiot boy thinking that a girl wanted to be with him? It was so stupid. Is that what had really ripped her heart out? A fucking misunderstanding?

It was surreal. It was surreal and it was too much.

''Thank you, Noah, for telling me the truth. However, just so we're clear, you stay away from Quinn and you stay away from me.''

She threatened in a whisper. He hadn't meant to do anything wrong. It sounded like he was just as confused and hurt as anyone else. Puck was an idiot enough to not have realised how badly alcohol affected Quinn and just that arrogant enough to believe that any murmur was an invitation and an advance from Quinn. Rachel wholeheartedly believed it was a mistake on both of their parts. How could Noah have known when he hadn't been privy to Quinn's circumstances?

Quinn had turned to a friend. There was nothing wrong with that. Rachel wished that it was a different friend but Noah was generally a good guy despite his crude tendencies and like he pointed out they had been friends for some time. If she was busy and perhaps by coincidence fate had led to everyone else being busy, perhaps he was just the only option for Quinn at the time. Perhaps it was simply circumstance Puck lived the closest to Quinn out of them all and when your parents tended to get wasted and smash things then Quinn probably just wanted the nearest out.

Somehow Rachel could see how the chain of events had gotten started and really she found herself unable to blame either of them for the act. However she could blame Noah's blatant disregard for friendship. She could blame his blatant disregard for Quinn's feelings at the time and he should have been more sensitive. So for that she was definitely not ready to forgive him – if she ever could.

''Rachel…''

''I mean it. Stay. The fuck. Away.''

The tiny brunette pushed him away from her for good measure, steeling her whirlwind of feelings before she looked back out to the auditorium. Quinn had gone.


	4. Chapter 4

It was just this side of dusk and the air was so still and peaceful. The brand new evening air was fresh and even and warm. Crickets could be heard starting to chirp and that hum that only came with nightfall blanketed the air comfortingly.

Quinn didn't know why she was here. Well she knew why she was here – because she had received a text message from Rachel asking her to meet here at 8pm. It had been a day since their kiss in the bathroom a kiss Quinn considered to be their last. She found it outstandingly wounding that Rachel would ask her to meet in the very spot that they shared their first.

''_I'm so sorry I'm late.''_

_Quinn panted as she jogged up to the park and bent over slightly as she panted. Rachel was sat swinging gently on one of the swings of the park which was thankfully empty. There was a pout on the brunette's face that was both adorable and heartbreaking and Quinn could tell that Rachel had been panicking that this had all been some elaborate set up meant to torture her._

''_I thought you weren't coming.''_

_She said softly tentatively. Quinn nodded as she still gasped in gulps of air hands on her sides. This was so not how her first date with Rachel was meant to go. She had had it all freaking planned out – but apparently fate had different ideas._

''_I'm so sorry, my damn car broke down and I forgot my phone. I just ran the whole way here because I didn't want you to leave thinking that I wasn't coming or something. There's like, a whole picnic in the back seat of my car. I grabbed the flowers I got you but now they're just kinda – floppy.''_

_Quinn cringed as she lifted up the sorry looking bunch of flowers that had looked perfect just a half hour ago. Now with all the running and Quinn's careless possession of them they were just sort of bent over and looked like they needed a good funeral. _

_This was just her luck. She'd made sure that she did everything right. She had looked up some recopies online for vegan food she could make and everything that looked way over her head she had just ordered. She had grape and apple sparkling alcoholic free wine she had a blanket and a couple of lanterns and she had a romantic playlist on her iPod with fully battery charged speakers. And she'd even made a freaking cake. All of that had been left abandoned in her care because she knew that she wouldn't have been able to heft it here in time to stop Rachel from leaving. Quinn was surprised that she was still here as it was._

_Now she just wished she had taken her to dinner and a movie like every other normal teenager. But no she had decided she wanted to be charming because Rachel liked that kind of thing. Fat lot of good it did her._

''_They're beautiful. You're beautiful.''_

_Rachel had been biting her lip as Quinn rambled on making the most adorable faces at herself and how obviously pathetic she felt. This was certainly a change from the smooth operator that Rachel had known since freshmen year. It was possibly the sweetest thing ever. She could almost hear Quinn's inner monologue berating herself as she tutted rolled her eyes scoffed and made faces at herself._

_Even at the compliment she glanced down and shook her head obviously embarrassed and feeling like an utter jerk._

''_No see 'cos these were fresh and I wanted everything to be perfect and now I'm late and I look not only like a total moron but all sweaty and gross 'cos…''_

_Quinn was cut off by the most pleasurable thing she had ever felt – Rachel's lips. In one fell swoop Rachel had stood cupped her face and pressed her lips against hers thus ending the rant that was about to flow out of her mouth. Quinn decided that kissing was much better than ranting._

See so it had been sort of perfect. Imperfectly perfect. They had ended up kissing for quite some time before Rachel had sweetly accepted the flowers – despite their state – and they had walked hand in hand back to Quinn's car talking all the while. They'd had their picnic in the car and then Rachel had called the road recovery to come. So they had made out to the radio while they waited.

It wasn't the standard first date from the movies but both had been exceptionally happy about that because it was theirs. So to say it was hard for her to sit here right now waiting for Rachel was an understatement.

While Quinn contemplated what Rachel wanted and figured it was probably to give her back all the stuff that she hadn't been by to pick up from her room she didn't notice the girl in question behind her. Rachel nervously clutched a stuffed toy in both her hands – a white and pink rabbit with floppy ears. She looked at Quinn's sagged demeanour her head resting on her hand that clutched the chains of the swing and she pushed it back and forth gentle with her feet on the ground.

It seemed fitting asking her to come here of all places. If she was going to apologise for being such an idiot and ask for a second chance then she wanted to do it here. If she was going to pull together her little plan she wanted to do it here.

She felt like she could breathe now. She felt like a weight had been lifted from her shoulders. Rachel knew that inevitably she would have faltered and let herself to back to Quinn even if she hurt her again. But upon finding out the truth even that roadblock was taken away and nothing else was left to stand between them save the baby in her stomach. And Jesse.

Jesse was an easy fix. She'd simply told him that she had made a mistake in being with him and she couldn't lie to herself or him anymore, and that she just wanted to be with Quinn. He had not been happy about the whole thing and really she wondered what he was going to do in protest but for now it was taken care of.

The baby however was another thing entirely. Rachel had no idea what plans Quinn had for her child. Currently she technically had no home no real support system and no options. Rachel hoped that she could change that. She hoped that she could offer all of those things to Quinn now – it was better late than never. None of this was that baby's fault and it didn't deserve the fallout.

When Noah had explained to her what had really happen Rachel had barely made it through her front door before she collapsed in a sobbing heap on her Dad. He had happened to be passing by the front door so he had found himself victim of her tears and her needy arms. Nevertheless he had hugged her tight and managed to get her to the living room and just let her cry for a while until she could actually form words. The sobbing hadn't stopped and it had been a little bit of a task for him to understand the tale she was telling him through her tears and the fact that she refused to stop clinging to him so her face was pretty much buried in his chest.

Still she had told him all about the revelations and how she had been making such a mess with Jesse and how he had been pressuring her but she had said no at the last minute and how Quinn had been there to try and ward him off with Finn. She had told him all about her feeling empty without her girlfriend and maybe even though she had done something so bad Rachel just wanted to be with her only to find out that Quinn had really done nothing at all save for accidently getting drunk with Noah and being one half of two people that had misunderstood one another.

And now she was all alone with no parents and no home and having a baby. Now all she wanted to do was make it better but she didn't know how and she didn't know if Quinn would forgive her for her behaviour. After all the blonde had been drunk for one part of her mistake and then too freaking stubborn/prideful/chivalrous to explain it for the other. That girl took on too much blame sometimes; Rachel swore it was the Catholic upbringing.

So when she eventually fell asleep on Leroy he had tucked her up on the couch and while she had been sleeping he and his husband had had a long talk about what was going on in Rachel's life when Hiram had arrived home from work. Needless to say that when she had been woken for dinner they had had a long long discussion as a family to try and sort out some things (plus she was in trouble for almost having sex with Jesse but they were relieved and proud she said no).

Still now at least she had something to offer Quinn.

''Hey.''

Rachel said loud enough to make Quinn turn her head but not move too much from the swing.

''Hey.''

Her voice was sad and empty and it made Rachel's stomach turn.

''Thank you for meeting me here.''

''It's fine. Could you just uh, leave whatever it is I left behind there? I just want to sit here by myself for a while.''

Rachel inched forward until she rounded the swing to stand pretty much exactly where Quinn had stood that first date when she had finally arrived.

''I don't have a box of your stuff, Quinn.''

She informed softly her eyes big and wide and nervous and shy but still hopeful. Quinn looked up at her with confusion and even a little bit of suspicion. Obviously the blonde couldn't possibly fathom another reason why they were here save for that.

''Oh. Then why are we here, Rachel? Where's your boyfriend?''

Rachel looked down for a moment as she squeezed the rabbit a little. Quinn had an edge to her voice that belied her hurt and her spite for Jesse reinforcing Rachel's guilt over the entire thing.

''I dumped him.''

Quinn stared at Rachel in dumbfounded shock. Her brow furrowed and her jaw dropped as she just stared and clearly upon getting no response Rachel looked up to see what was going on. She used Quinn's silence to practically thrust the stuffed rabbit at her ungracefully.

''I got you a rabbit. I thought maybe the baby could have it.''

She explained softly. Quinn didn't move. The only thing that moved were her eyes which went from Rachel to the rabbit then back to Rachel. She had no idea what was going on and Rachel knew she was doing a rather poor job at explaining herself. Still eventually Quinn gingerly took the rabbit.

''I uh, called him Roger but you can change his name if its too dorky. I tried looking for a Jessica Rabbit but I couldn't find one and anyway that would probably be inappropriate for a baby and you would probably steal it anyway since you have a crush on her which I still find weird because she's a cartoon…''

Rachel began to ramble incessantly as she stared at the rabbit. Roger.

''Rachel.''

Rachel's eyes snapped up to Quinn's tears glistening in her eyes.

''I'm so sorry. I love you so much and what I was doing with Jesse was wrong. You didn't intentionally hurt me but I intentionally hurt you. I know everything, Noah told me everything – can you please forgive me? Can we please just go back to how we were and be together again?''

Rachel's voice did that thing that girls did and kept getting higher and higher the more emotional she became. The desperate hope and the unyielding love shone through her teary brown eyes and beautiful if slightly scrunched up face.

Quinn thought that this was exactly what she wanted but if this week had taught her anything it was that she wanted Rachel to be happy.

''I…there's so much Rachel…I can't…if I've learnt anything this week its that I can't be the girl that you need me to be. I'm a mess, my life is a mess. I have nothing and I'm pregnant with no idea about what's going to happen. You're actually better off without me.''

It killed her to say it but Quinn didn't want to dump her messed up life on Rachel she didn't deserve that. But the brunette was shaking her head quickly as she sniffled and took shaky breaths.

''No, see I'm not. My life just doesn't work without you in it and I know you feel the same way. I want to be here to help you through everything – that's exactly why you're going to move out of the Puckerman residence and move in with us.''

Quinn blinked.

''What?''

''I told my Dad's everything. We discussed it and they want you to stay with us. They said they'd help you get emancipated and everything, Quinn. You would be able to prove that you have someplace to live and you could support yourself with the help of my Dad's and the trust fund your Grandparents gave you, because my Dad said that your parents couldn't withhold that from you like they have been. And whatever you decide to do about the baby, I'll support you. If you want to have it adopted, that's okay. If you want to keep it, that's okay too and I would be there to help you with it…''

''Her.''

Rachel paused mid speech that was aimed at convincing Quinn that everything would be okay again. But when her mouth remained open and she gave Quinn a stalled look the blonde sort of smiled sheepishly.

''I'm having a girl.''

Quinn whispered not being able to help the smirk that widened across her face. Her hands automatically moved onto her stomach as she bit her bottom lip sheepishly. She hadn't been able to tell Rachel that because of what had been going on and all the circumstances around it.

''That's…wow, she's a she. That's amazing.''

This was the first time that Rachel really got to acknowledge that a person was growing inside of Quinn. That there was a little girl in there a little life that would have little tiny arms and legs. The blonde was creating something beyond her understanding and it blew her away. And every day Quinn looked more and more radiant. Pregnancy did actually suit her and there would be times when Quinn would think no one was looking or she thought she was alone and Rachel would see her hum or sing to her bump smoothing her hands along it smiling and whispering. It was beautiful.

The brunette gingerly put her hand by Quinn's and stretched out her fingers. No sooner as she had she felt a jolt underneath that made her squeak lightly but grin widely. She had never gotten to do this before. Quinn laughed at her reaction a little misty eyed herself and took Rachel's hand to reposition it just at the underside of her left side.

''She kicks the hardest here, I think that's where her feet are.''

The blonde mused before yet again the baby girl inside of her delivered a wallop and kicked underneath Rachel's hand. The shorter girl gasped and giggled at the same time quirking an overwhelmed eyebrow at the feeling.

''I think she's destined for soccer.''

Quinn laughed lightly and nodded. They remained quiet for a long couple of moment but Rachel didn't move her hand. What she did do was sheepishly lift her other to gently and fleetingly trace the side of Quinn's face before reaching for a strand of hair to twiddle between her fingertips.

''Why didn't you just tell me?''

She whispered gently. Quinn looked at her with hazel eyes full of tears.

''I was ashamed, Rachel. I should never have been in that position; I acted just like them – getting drunk to feel better. I don't want to be like them.''

She shook her head and Rachel wrapped her arms around her and pulled her close. Like a little kid Quinn clutched onto her and for long minutes she just cried and Rachel stroked through her hair and rubbed her back offering sweet whisperings and gentle reassurances.

It all made sense now. Quinn blamed herself because she thought she had been acting like her parents. Her biggest fear was turning out like them and what happened between her and Noah made her think that she was becoming their carbon copy. Rachel got it now. It was the last piece of the puzzle. Everything had just been a distortion.

From Quinn running to a friend to the friend thinking she wanted him, to her thinking it was her fault and that she was turning into her parents, to them breaking up and Rachel dating Jesse. It was just a complete distortion and by no one communicating properly it had just gone around in circles.

Quinn had been too ashamed Noah had been too guilty and Rachel had been too hurt. They were the 3 freaking monkeys.

''Listen to me; you're nothing like your parents. Okay? You made one simple mistake, we all made mistakes. What matters now is that we can move on from it. Please, Quinn – come home with me. We can make this right.''

Rachel eased Quinn back and gently wiped away the residual tears from her face before she leant forward and placed the most delicate of kisses on her mouth. She tasted salty because of her tears but underneath that there was a taste of apple and underneath that it was all Quinn. She still smelt of tropical shampoo and she still also smelt of fabric softener perfume and something naturally her.

All Rachel could really think was that she was already home.

X*x*x*X

Her Dad's were at the next town over picking up supplies for their new family member. There was a late opening housing store and both of them insisted that they were getting Quinn new stuff so she felt at home. They had already swung by Puck's house to explain to his Mom that they were going to take Quinn in permanently and picked up her stuff.

Their absence gave the two of them just enough time to reconnect and for Rachel to lose her virginity and for Quinn to actually be sober to enjoy the process. They fit together so well and it was nothing short of phenomenal and they did nothing short of worship one another. They felt and tasted everything there was to feel and taste of one another and it felt like the most natural thing in the world.

By the time that Rachel's parents arrived home, the two girls (now dressed again) were flat out asleep in each other's arms on top of Rachel's bed. None the wiser the Berry men covered them up with a nearby blanket and let them sleep.

All was right in the world again.


End file.
